Helping You with Bereavement
Common feelings and reactions
Grieving is normal following bereavement. It affects different people in different ways but here are some feelings that you may experience.
Numbness and disbelief “it hasn’t really happened”. Thinking you have seen or heard the person or searching for them. Guilt, anger, anxiety, loneliness, depression or feelings of “going mad”. Feelings of relief. Difficulty sleeping, eating or concentrating. Feeling physically low and concerned about your own health. Disappointment about all the plans and dreams that will never be fulfilled. Finding everyday situations and relationships difficult to cope with.
Looking after yourself
Do try to talk about what has happened. It is OK to express your feelings.
Be gentle with yourself. If you have had a bad day, put it behind you and have another go.
It is important to make time to sleep, to rest and to think as well as having time with your family and friends. Beware of accidents which are more common after stress.
There are no right times for doing anything except when you are ready. If possible don’t push yourself into or allow yourself to be pressed into major decisions.
Try to let children share your grief and encourage them to express their feelings. Talking, reading, drawing and playing games can be helpful. Encourage them to return to school and continue with their activities.
Ways that the Hospice can help
If you have lost someone who was a patient at the Hospice we can offer
- individual support with a member of our bereavement support team
- group meetings for relatives to share their experiences together
- practical help and advice
- support to families through our “Elephants never forget” service
Elephants never forget
This is a service aimed at helping children and families where there is a serious illness in the family or when there has been a death of a significant family member. We can provide support in a number of ways and how we do this depends on what each family says they need. We always try to be as flexible as is possible.
Here are some of the ways we have helped over the years:
- by providing information, such as what to tell the children about death and dying; should children go to funerals; how children grieve, and so on
- by providing reading and activity books for children
- by running age specific groups for bereaved children in which they can express themselves and share their experiences
- by running a monthly self-help support group for parents bereaved of a partner
- by spending time with the family (at home or any other venue of choice such as school or the Hospice) in order to explore whatever is important to the family. This can be done with all the family together or in any combination including one to one
- by holding bi-annual family gatherings which have a social emphasis but also an element of remembrance
We also have a revolving door policy, which means that children and families can return to us at any time in the future for support, as the impact of grief is not time-limited. This is not a crisis service and there may be a time-lapse between making a request for help and a worker being available. In addition to the direct support that we offer childen and families, we also provide training, support and advice for other professionals whose work brings them into contact with families of the dying or bereaved.
For further information or to request support from the Elephants Never Forget Service, please contact the Social Work Team on 01743 236565.
You can also download a leaflet about the service here.
Other sources of information and support
Riprap is a website developed especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer. It is a place to share thoughts and explore emotions through an interactive tool. There are stories from other people who are in similar situations, information about cancer and tips on how to deal with what is happening within the family.
The Cruse Bereavement Care Youth Involvement Project has a website for children and young people who have been bereaved and want news and information designed for them. It also has details of a confidential telephone number and private email service to contact a counsellor, as well as a message board.
Winston’s Wish is a grief support programme for bereaved children who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling. Questions from young people can be emailed in and will be replied to by a bereavement counsellor. The family line on 0845 2030 405 offers guidance and information on bereavement.
The UK Government has a website giving information on the legal and practical steps you need to take once someone has died.
The Charity Cruse Bereavement Care works to help anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss.
