The joys of negative thinking
3 February 2010
Today, as they say in Shropshire, I’ve got a bit of the clogger on.
I just don’t feel like being bothered.
I’ve been reading some motivational quotes on someone’s twitter stream and the relentless brain dead positivism is making me feel depressed. You know the kind of thing people get on magnets? Like “Perceive and rejoice that life is abundant, that beauty and goodness are amply available . . . that your happiness is in your hands.” – Paul Hodges. If reading that kind of stuff doesn’t make you feel sour and depressed then you have an exceedingly strong mind and disposition.
There are some people that just like to preach at you that maintaining a “positive attitude” will heal you and make your problems go away. It’s fake, phoney, and bad science. Also it irritates me beyond belief. It makes no difference to the progress of my cancer whether I sing tra la all day, or hide under the duvet crying my eyes out.
I refuse to be pressured into constant smiley face mode by people who have books of inane platitudes to sell.
I really enjoy the works of J. K. Rowling, I love Harry Potter. That doesn’t mean that I can reach out my hand say “Accio” and have the television remote jump into my hand! Tell me, am I a failure because I haven’t mastered the Leviosa charm? If I only applied enough positive thinking it might work? Nah! It’s fiction, and so are the positive thinking books.
Fair enough I can see that spending so much time crying that I didn’t eat or bathe or attend medical appointments would be bad for my health but being grouchy because my back aches and my catheter leaks isn’t going to make things any worse than they are.
Negative thinking I find very useful!
If I use my imagination to look at my life and thing through all the things that could go wrong then I can plot and plan to negate them.
I take a sweetly grim satisfaction in knowing my will is made. That my son knows what songs to have played at my funeral.
What would you make of a positive thinking business that never took out public liability insurance because if they thought positively enough nothing would go wrong?
If I talk about something that may happen later in my illness or after my death and you say to me, “Oh don’t think about that, it might not happen” Do you really think that helps me? No, it just means that when you are around I have to add the burden of not offending you onto everything else I have to cope with, because I have to censor everything I say and I can’t trust you with my honest feelings.
Look I’m not a masochist! I don’t raise subjects in conversation I can’t cope with thinking about. If I am upsetting you, just say that it upsets you too much to talk about right now. That’s fair, just don’t push the lie onto me that everything will be alright if I’m only positive enough! If I have to plaster on a fake smile every time you come around then its less wear and tear just not to see you at all. Send me your apologies on a postcard and we’ll leave it at that.
Negative and positive are arbitrary values when applied to emotion.
Anger is negative? What if no-one had ever being angry about slavery?
Sadness is negative? What would you truly think of someone who was indifferent to the death of a close family member or friend?
Sorrow and anger are the driving force behind many of the good things that people make happen in this world. Whether it fighting injustice or helping people affected by natural disasters.
Hey! Look what the power of positive thinking did for the banking industry!
I am a cheerful person lot’s of the time, honestly, but some days I just feel like wearing silver skeletons in my ears and snarling at death! It makes me feel better than any amount of inspirational quotes.
Read other posts in Val’s diary here:
2 June 2010 – Hooray for corsets
3 March 2010 – It’s your funeral
24 February 2010 – So what is a stent?
10 February 2010 – A nice cup of tea
26 January 2010 My Secret Tattoos
20 January 2010 – Plumbing problems (part II)
20 January 2010 – Plumbing problems (part I)
6 January 2010 – Of vampires and vaccinations
29 December 2009 – Beauty and fashion
17 December 2009 – How the Doctor kept me going!
11 December 2009 – Why am I not depressed?
4 December 2009 – Why I didn’t want to attend Severn Hospice
