How the Doctor kept me going
17 December 2009
This Christmas I will be watching the Doctor Who Christmas Special with my family.
To us as a family that is something special.
When I was so ill that no-one expected me to live for more than a fortnight, when I woke every morning surprised that the world was still here or that I was in it. Doctor Who helped me survive.
When I thought I was about to die, when my family were fighting back tears to spend the last few hours with me, I couldn’t say the raw truth. I couldn’t say how much it hurt me to know how they would grieve for me, or how sorry I was to be leaving them when they needed me. Okay I did say that once, and they knew. That kind of honesty is too intense to keep going hour after hour, day after day.
So instead of constantly saying that I didn’t want to leave them, I said “Bugger that, I don’t want to miss the Christmas episode of Doctor Who!” It was a focus, a goal. They didn’t believe I’d make it, I didn’t believe I’d make it, but it gave us a way of expressing the wish without being too intense about it, without breaking down in floods of tears at what might not be.
This was at the end of May, the Doctor Who series had just finished and rumours were beginning to fly around the internet about the Christmas special.
So as a family we talked above the serious issues, yes we dealt with the reality as well. I made my will, we made arrangements for where my son would live and who would care for him.
But between the hard decisions, above the heartbreak, we were going “oooh Titanic” , “Ooooh Timecrash”, Ooooh Kylie????” and following all the cast rumours and fan photos we could find.
I made it. We sat together as a family and watched the show, and it was great!
You know what? I really wasn’t going anywhere until I’d seen Torchwood “Children of Earth”
Day by day I focused on the little things, a favourite author had a book coming out, wasn’t going anywhere till I’d read that!
Talking about the frivolities helped me and my family cope with the realities.
Maybe it even worked! Two weeks became six months, and then the possibility of another five or ten years.
So Christmas Day and New Years Day, I shall be watching “The End of Time” with my family, enjoying the last of David Tennant and getting excited about the new era of Matt Smith.
Sometimes frivolity is important.
Merry Christmas!
Read other posts in Val’s diary here:
2 June 2010 – Hooray for corsets
3 March 2010 – It’s your funeral
24 February 2010 – So what is a stent?
10 February 2010 – A nice cup of tea
3 February 2010 The joys of negative thinking
26 January 2010 – My secret tattoos
20 January 2010 – Plumbing problems (part II)
20 January 2010 – Plumbing problems (part I)
6 January 2010 – Of vampires and vaccinations
29 December 2009 – Beauty and fashion
11 December 2009 – Why am I not depressed?
4 December 2009 – Why I didn’t want to attend Severn Hospice!
