Sandy’s story
Sandy Heskey, 39, from Aqueduct, talks about her mother in law Pam’s experience at Severn Hospice and her own decision to start fundraising.
She was a very kind, caring, warm person. She had a magnetic personality, everybody felt comfortable in her presence. She had an absolutely fantastic sense of humour right up to the end. She used to say ‘If I can’t laugh, what’s the point of life?’ That was the kind of person she was.
She first became ill in 2004. She had two operations and they assumed that they got all of the cancer but two years after she developed a lump under her arm. At the beginning of 2009 they told her that there wasn’t really anything more they could do for her, it had become so aggressive. She went through quite a traumatic 18 months up to the end. She had a lot of operations and was constantly in hospital.
It was making her very poorly every time she would go for treatment. She would be in bed for two weeks after, finding it hard to recover. By the time she had recovered she’d probably have a week to ten days before the next course would start so she wasn’t getting much quality of life at that point.
Then she had a big operation to remove three lumps. Following that she wasn’t able to walk as it had progressed to her hip. She was in the most excruciating pain and basically living on the sofa. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t do anything, she couldn’t wash and it was just horrible to see her like that. She started to look old and she looked unhappy and sad.
She came into the Hospice and the difference within 24 hours was just remarkable. Her whole personality came out again.
The first day she came she said ‘Sandy, I feel like I’m at home, I feel relaxed. It’s like the Ritz, nothing is too much trouble for them and they are so friendly.’ It is a place that you instantly feel comfortable in, it’s hard to explain.
There were lots of hurdles she had to overcome like having baths, the fact that her mobility had gone because of her hip, things that she was worried about. She was having tremendous difficulty getting about as it was so painful. I came in and there was this great big gold star on the top of the picture frame. She said that was her gold star for being a good girl for having a bath and going in the hoist.
She was happy because she felt comfortable and safe and she knew she was being cared for. She used to say to me she could have paid to go to the most expensive private hospital in the world and she didn’t believe she would get better care than she got here. Absolutely nothing was too much trouble.
For the family, we all knew she was being cared for, we knew she wasn’t in pain and suffering.
I wouldn’t say she was happy, as she knew she was dying, but she was more at peace and relaxed. She was comfortable and she wasn’t in pain because they could change things instantly to rectify things. When you’re at home you’ve got to ring the doctors and they’ve got to come and they probably haven’t got as much leeway with different drugs, whereas here they could give her something and relax her and that would be it, she would be able to sleep.
She started eating again when she came in here. She had built a rapport with some of the nurses. You instantly knew the smile on her face when they walked into the room, you felt happy to leave her because you knew she was alright. It did make a difference knowing that she was ok and she was safe and the best was being done for her.
She was admitted on 16 October and she died on 26 November and she was here for the whole time.
They do take that fear and that anxiety of dying away, and they make it very peaceful. At the end it’s obviously very distressing to lose a loved one but they give you lots of love and support. Just having that does make a huge difference. And they are always here. Twelve months on and I’m still coming back for counselling. They never give up and support you the whole way – as long as you need support they are there for you. It’s hard to put into words but they are just very special people.
I remember thinking to myself how much more awful it would have been if we had been on our own without the support we had received. So I made the decision that I needed to give something back. I haven’t got the money to say here’s a cheque for whatever, because if I had I would. I thought the only thing I could do was to raise money somehow. So I thought what could I do?
Years ago I used to run so I contacted Telford Harriers and asked if I could join a beginners course. I joined at the end of May and the first couple of sessions were killers. When I got home I could have died. By about three weeks of going I was getting better. By four weeks I could run a mile and then I started to think I could do this.
I saw an advert for the Lake Vyrnwy Half Marathon and me being the stupid, impulsive person I am, thought ‘That’s only how many months, maybe I could if I tried hard enough. Maybe I could do it.’ So I put my name forward.
As soon as I had signed up I knew I was committed so I just trained really hard three times a week. I knew I could do it when two months in I’d run five miles on the treadmill.
You won’t believe how excited I was, not for me but because I knew I could raise the money. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have been left Pam’s ring, and all the way round I kept kissing it and talking to it saying ‘Come on Pam, we’ve got to do this for the Hospice.’ The last three miles were a killer but I did it. It took me three hours and nine minutes. But I did it for the Hospice. I was so proud when I crossed the finish line.
Before I’d done the half marathon I’d already applied to do the London Marathon. I so wanted a place for Pam. She was the kind of person who would want to say thank you. She can’t, so I just made my mind up that I was going to say thank you for all of us in the only way I could.
It’s scary, I’m not going to lie to you, I’m petrified. But I will do it for the Hospice. It’s just a way for me to give something back and help other people as well.
Without people doing things like I’m doing, Pam wouldn’t have had the care she had. It’s only because of other people’s generosity that she was able to come here so if it can help another family like it helped us I’m more than happy to do it.
Sandy successfully completed the 2011 Virgin London Marathon in just over seven hours and has already signed up for the Lake Vyrnwy Half Marathon later in the year. Thank you Sandy for your ongoing support, Pam would be so proud of you.
